Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
