***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
