Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
