his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
