His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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