i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
