Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
