So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
