i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
