Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's blow job season.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
