Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
