i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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