Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
