I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
