My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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