I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
