I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
