You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
