Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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