I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
