like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
