3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
