I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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