One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
