Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
