I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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