guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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