the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
