did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
