my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
