I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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