Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
