i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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