Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
