So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
