So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
