Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
