I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
