It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
