I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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