I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
