ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just pynch a tree in the face
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Be still, my beating vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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