He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
