can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
time to smoke my breakfast
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
