Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
