my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize