No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
