OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He felt like a one man threesome
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
