How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
