I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
